"I just pooped on the tracks," She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named said, with obvious relish. I wasn't sure what I had done to deserve this confidence, but I hoped it would stop there. We were on a night train in Southeast Asia, and the amenities of this particular form of transportation included a toilet consisting of a hole in the floor. On the upside, the smell was far more bearable than in most public or airline bathrooms.
Train travel can seem romantic and adventurous, a nod to the days of yore. If you're like me and grew up obsessively watching Bing Crosby and cast in White Christmas over the winter holidays, your conception is that trains are filled with clean sheets, club cars with fresh sandwiches and milkshakes, and dazzlingly spotless surfaces. However, like most things 1950s Hollywood wanted us to believe, this depiction of life is far from reality.
It's true that night trains are economical: you're paying for transportation and lodging. It's also a chance to see the countryside (when it's light out, at least). Plus, you don't waste time traveling from point A to point B, when you could be out exploring or drinking cocktails on the beach. Theoretically, you go to sleep one night and the next morning you've arrived at your destination. Theoretically.
The night train can be jarring, particularly if you're tall, like to be punctual, value peace and quiet, or have an aversion to being in close quarters with strangers. I have only ever traveled by sleeper train in Southeast Asia, so I can't speak to Europe or Russia or many of the other countries/continents that provide such services. But here, friends, are my recommendations if you decide to take the night train.
1. The cardinal rule: plan for the worst, hope for the best. This applies to many things in life, but in particular to train travel, as it's difficult to know what you're getting when you buy a ticket. Maybe you'll sleep in a compartment with a lockable door; maybe not. There may be a place to stow your luggage under a berth or on a rack, but your suitcase may also spend the night in the corridor, being tripped over by people. Safe or dodgy, barely-there air-conditioning or an arctic gale...you get the picture. Try to plan for every eventuality, and then some.
2. Do your research. Make sure you buy tickets from a reputable company, and buy them in advance, as many trains fill up quickly. An excellent resource for train travel worldwide is The Man in Seat Sixty-One.
Train travel can seem romantic and adventurous, a nod to the days of yore. If you're like me and grew up obsessively watching Bing Crosby and cast in White Christmas over the winter holidays, your conception is that trains are filled with clean sheets, club cars with fresh sandwiches and milkshakes, and dazzlingly spotless surfaces. However, like most things 1950s Hollywood wanted us to believe, this depiction of life is far from reality.
It's true that night trains are economical: you're paying for transportation and lodging. It's also a chance to see the countryside (when it's light out, at least). Plus, you don't waste time traveling from point A to point B, when you could be out exploring or drinking cocktails on the beach. Theoretically, you go to sleep one night and the next morning you've arrived at your destination. Theoretically.
The night train can be jarring, particularly if you're tall, like to be punctual, value peace and quiet, or have an aversion to being in close quarters with strangers. I have only ever traveled by sleeper train in Southeast Asia, so I can't speak to Europe or Russia or many of the other countries/continents that provide such services. But here, friends, are my recommendations if you decide to take the night train.
1. The cardinal rule: plan for the worst, hope for the best. This applies to many things in life, but in particular to train travel, as it's difficult to know what you're getting when you buy a ticket. Maybe you'll sleep in a compartment with a lockable door; maybe not. There may be a place to stow your luggage under a berth or on a rack, but your suitcase may also spend the night in the corridor, being tripped over by people. Safe or dodgy, barely-there air-conditioning or an arctic gale...you get the picture. Try to plan for every eventuality, and then some.
 |
| Berths on Thailand train |
Ladies traveling sola, be aware that compartments aren't necessarily segregated by gender. You might end up with a family, as I did in Vietnam, or you could be shut in with a bunch of men. Keep an eye out.
3. Spoon it. Make sure your valuables (particularly your passport and money) are in a small enough bag that you can wrap your body around or hold in your arms while you sleep. Other traveling safety tips apply as well- keep a photocopy of your passport elsewhere, don't leave valuables unattended or flash around jewelry or electronics. Security varies on trains, from sleepy young guys in tatty uniforms to actual guards with holstered pistols. In the end, you're responsible for your stuff.
 |
| Top berth on a sleeper train. There's often a reading light next to the bed, and a dark curtain that closes to give you privacy. |
4. Don't accept drinks or food from strangers unless you see them open it. This may sound like an overabundance of stranger danger, but there have been situations in some countries where people have been drugged, and there are signs on trains warning passengers to be cautious.
On the other hand, it's nice to be able to develop rapport with people over a cookie or a handful of potato chips. "Everyone likes the person who offers them a stick of gum." -Michael Scott
On the other hand, it's nice to be able to develop rapport with people over a cookie or a handful of potato chips. "Everyone likes the person who offers them a stick of gum." -Michael Scott
5. Splurge. Go for the A/C. You're probably saving money already by taking the train instead of flying or renting a car. Particularly in hot climes, it's wise to go head and pay for an air-conditioned car unless you want to stick to your seat all night or be eaten alive by bugs passing through the open windows.
6. Allow yourself plenty of time. The trains in your country may run with enviable efficiency, but that is not true everywhere. Don't assume that you'll arrive (or depart) at the time listed on your itinerary.
When I woke up on the train in Thailand on return to Bangkok, I looked at the time and said cheerily to my companions, "Just two more hours before we get there!" No-Name looked at me and said, "No, we're delayed by a couple of hours. The train broke down in the middle of the night and they had to come in and replace the engine car." Eventually we made it to Bangkok...5 hours later than we planned. Several people on the train (including my companions) were catching a flight out in the early afternoon and had to get off early to hail an expensive cab to the airport.
When I woke up on the train in Thailand on return to Bangkok, I looked at the time and said cheerily to my companions, "Just two more hours before we get there!" No-Name looked at me and said, "No, we're delayed by a couple of hours. The train broke down in the middle of the night and they had to come in and replace the engine car." Eventually we made it to Bangkok...5 hours later than we planned. Several people on the train (including my companions) were catching a flight out in the early afternoon and had to get off early to hail an expensive cab to the airport.
7. Pack a snack. There may be a club car on the train, but there's no guarantee that what they'll serve will be edible or attractive to you. In some places, you may have local vendors get on and off the train, selling cold drinks, junk food, and homemade delicacies.
 |
| At night, these seats fold down into a lower bunk. |
9. Bring hand wipes (or even better, a pack of Gatsby). Chances are you'll be required to check out of your hostel or hotel in the morning, leaving you to sight see for most of the day before catching your train. If you are someplace hot and muggy, you will be sweaty and smelly, and there is a slim likelihood that you will find a shower on the train (and an even slimmer chance that you will want to use the shower if it does exist). Baby wipes, hand wipes with alcohol and Gatsbys are excellent means of freshening up.
 |
| Gatsby deodorant wipes |
10. Be pleasant. If you're staying in a compartment with multiple berths, you'll be sardined in with a bunch of other people. Try to avoid sticking your feet in someone's face, spreading your stuff around everywhere, keeping people awake, etc.
Finally, if someone dies suddenly on the train and you see an egg-shaped man with a luxurious mustache and a pince-nez, SPOILER ALERT: everyone around you is a murderer except for the mustachioed Belgian.
 |
| The sinks and toilets drain directly onto the train tracks. |
No comments:
Post a Comment