KONPAI EXTRAVAGANZA

Two weeks before the start of the Japanese school year in April, each teacher receives a phone call from the local school board informing them of whether they'll be allowed to remain at their current school, or transferred somewhere else.  Apparently this rotation occurs so that teachers and parents don't become too chummy.  The fear is that parents may flatter teachers with gifts, favors, etc., in exchange for information about tests.  The change is abrupt, and can be a little like Russian roulette if a faculty member you really like is replaced by someone awful.  In honor of the incoming and outgoing teachers, each school holds an enkai (office party) to welcome and say farewell, respectively.

The enkai for my school was a swanky affair held at a local hotel, with an open bar (beer, wine and sake) and a multiple course meal.  The office lady seated next to me told me proudly that the cost was ichi-man ($100) per person!  On my other side was Chinese Dragon-sensei, who was loudly trying to quiz me on the names of all the faculty members (many of which I don't actually know, to be honest).  To divert him from his game, I asked him why his face was so pink under the eyes.  "Are you sunburned?" I inquired.  "Oh, Eri-san," interjected the office lady, "He's been drinking sake since the end of school with Nice-sensei, Panda-sensei, and Department Head-sensei."  I looked at Department Head-sensei for confirmation, who was already glowing red.  He leaned back in his chair, arms folded across his chest, and smirked and nodded.  I added "pregame" to a list of words I should teach him sometime as the head of the English department.  Multiple rounds of speeches began, and Chinese Dragon-sensei became impatient after an hour, brandishing his watch in front of my face, saying, "Hungry! So hungry!" Finally, the first set of speeches came to an end, and we were promptly served the first course, along with about 5 large bottles of beer per table, each the size of a champagne magnum.  At this point, the party turned into a free-for-all.

In Japan, etiquette dictates that you should serve others first, and then wait for someone else to serve you. To accept a drink as it is being poured, you should hold out the glass using both your hands.  During the Edo Period (1603-1868) there was a civil war, and at the conclusion, the fighters started having banquets to promote reconciliation.  The custom developed that they would serve drinks to one another as a sign of good will, on the condition that the recipient hold out both of his hands with his cup, so as to prove he was not concealing a weapon.  It is considered a compliment (and an ice breaker) to have someone offer to fill your glass.  If your glass is full, but you don't want to spurn the attention, you can take a hasty glug, and then hold out your glass again.  The pour-swapping is not limited to the people at your table; in fact, I was shocked when people leaped up as though a whistle had gone off, and started moving to other tables to top up their friends, coworkers, and supervisors.  The $100 per person meal was clearly a secondary consideration, and most people seemed to pick at the various courses; however, this could have also been because the food was pretty strange, even by Japanese standards, and not all that flavorful.  

As the drinks flowed, so did the conversation.  Teachers who had never spoken to me before were emboldened to approach and start speaking in limited English.  One topic that is particularly popular among the male teachers is the the "dangerous man" list.  These are all male teachers of whom I'm supposed to be wary because they are dangerous, or at times "super dangerous."  The list is usually the same every time, consisting of 3-4 names.  When I first started playing along, I would feign surprise and ask why these teachers are such a threat.  "Yosh-sensei is aikido master, Nice-sensei is judo master, and Chinese Dragon-sensei is bad man," came the response.  However, now the answer is more direct: "SEX-SHU-AL men!" crows Panda-sensei.**  The list has been recited to me so many times that now a teacher can turn to me and say, "Eri-san, who are most dangerous men?" and I can tick them off in order of magnitude of danger.  This never fails to delight the teacher to whom I'm speaking, even though it is clear to me that he is probably more deserving of a place on the list than the others (except for Chinese Dragon-sensei, he really is a "bad man"- in the nicest way possible).  

**Panda-sensei is one to talk, since the last time I hung out with him and some other teachers after school, he pulled out his phone to show me pictures of his dog...several of which featured the dog nestled on top of P-sensei's naked butt crack, and another that featured him shirtless and mugging for the camera.  Later in the conversation, we were talking about his girlfriend, and I asked what she was like.  "A little fat," he said after some consideration, "But she has C-cup," he went on, proudly holding his hands out in front of his chest.  His English vocabulary may not extend to things like "lawyer" or "elephant," but he's clearly got some priorities.

EMAIL FROM MY SUPERVISOR

Dear Elizabeth-sensei,


I am sorry I am so absent-minded.  I forgot to give you these forms. Please fill out and return them to me immediately.


m(      )m


-M

Top marks for the use of the word "absent-minded" and an emoticon to denote embarrassment.

POWER OF THE PURSE

Last week Mr. M was on holiday in Italy, which meant that the grannies and I were left to our own devices for our English conversation group. I joked about his absence, saying that we were having a girls' night out (substitute green tea for cocktails). In turn, they taught me a Japanese saying, "genki de teshu rusugai,"or, "happy when the husband is away." While it's often difficult for women whose husbands work far away from home, they grow used to it, to a point where it's almost more disruptive having their husbands home than not. This tension comes to a head when the husband retires and returns home full-time.  Take Mr. M, for instance.

Part of what's so endearing about Mr. M is how he has adjusted to retirement.  Among the many hobbies he's taken up, he's started learning how to cook, since his wife informed him that just because he was going to be home for lunch didn't mean she was going to make it for him.  In fact, to hear him tell it, he is on his own a lot.  His wife is very busy with friends and various volunteer positions, leaving him with a lot of free time on his hands.  Instead of resenting his wife, or twiddling his thumbs at home, Mr. M seems fairly exhilarated by his freedom.  Conversely, many women who hope to spend more time with their husbands after they retire find themselves to be forsaken for various hobbies.  There are apparently a lot of "golf widows" or "softball widows."  Beyond how much time couples spend together post-retirement, the task of running a household can be a source of contention as well.  Sometimes this involves simple tasks like washing up- "My husband drinks tea all day.  I told him that he had to start washing his own dishes, because I did not like him putting dirty things in the sink AFTER I had finished washing all the things!" said a particularly irate granny.  But there are other issues as well, such as who has control over family finances.  

As far as typical household management goes in Japan, families employ different means of accounting.  Some men have no say over the finances.  They deposit their salaries into a bank account, and then their wives make withdrawals, and report back on what they've spent.  Mr. M freely admits that he doesn't even have a bank card, so he has to rely on his wife to withdraw money for him.  One woman told me that she can authorize payment for sums up to 100,000 yen ($1,000).  If it's over 500,000 yen, she consults with her husband.  In other families, women receive a monthly allowance, to do with as they choose.  Often, these women set aside hezokuri, or money saved from allowances to spend at will.  Often "at will" means doing something nice for someone else in the family, like buying their husband a new pair of pants, or saving for a birthday present for one of their kids.  There is a relatively recent law that states that after a man retires and receives his pension, his wife is allowed to divorce him and take half of his money. This raised a lot of eyebrows among the older generations in particular.  Measures like these are some of small steps towards female empowerment going on in Japan.  Even the imperial family is not immune from liberalization efforts.

Recently there's been discussion of the constitutionality of the "female lines" of the imperial family.  Specifically, whether imperial women who marry commoners are allowed to retain imperial status and set up their own branches of the family, wherein any children resulting from those marriages would have imperial authority handed down to them.  The concern is that if the tradition of the male lineage is left intact, the line will die out.  Today, the emperor has only one male heir, Prince Hisahito, who has two daughters.  Conservatives who are against changing the constitution cite history as their main support, although they also argue that since the commoner husbands of the imperial women could never have exalted status, it would be unfair to make the children of these marriages eligible for certain honors and privileges, but not one of their parents.  I highly doubt a change will be made.  Those in favor of allowing female lines don't care enough about the imperial family to push for it, while the people who are die hard loyalists are mostly too conservative to divert from tradition.  Sorry, ladies.  Might as well go out and buy yourself something pretty.

JAPAN AND KOREA, SITTIN' IN A TREE

Japan is in love with Korea. South Korea, that is.  This is probably due to the fact that the modern culture of South Korea is synonymous with that of modern day Japan.  Meanwhile, North Koreans are mainly known as a bunch of drug dealer thugs.  So when the North Korean rocket launch failed earlier this week, the Japanese had some choice words for the people of the Powerful and Prosperous Nation.  One JET wrote on Facebook:  

Word of the day: ZAMAMIRO. It's Japanese slang for "serves you right". And this was how one of our teachers reacted to the North Korean failed rocket launch today. 

Another JET reported that they had turned on the TV in the staff room to watch the news, but when they learned that the launch had been unsuccessful, they switched to another channel.  The next program was a morning talk show whose topic for the day was analyzing the different janken (rock, paper, scissors) styles of celebrities.*

*Janken is more than just a children's game here.  It's used as a tie-breaker and decision-maker on almost a daily basis.  I have personally seen grown professionals janken over the best way to reorganize a seating chart for the staff room.  

WHAT THE JAPANESE THINK OF AMERICAN CONSERVATISM

Hold on to your hats, folks.  There may be a new kind of tea party coming to Japan.  The Atlantic recently featured an article about members of various Japanese conservative parties who are attending GOP meetings and conventions in order to get some tips on how the Tea Party has been so successful.  According to the visiting politicians interviewed for this piece, the Japanese find politics "boring," and so they are looking for ways to jolt people out of their apathy  There are several gems throughout the article, including what the Japanese think of the GOP candidates, their affinity for Herman Cain, and the one delegation member who reported that the leader of his party is actually the reincarnation of the Buddha.  Still, this is by far the best punchline:

But the Tokyo Tea Party does not embrace all aspects of America’s conservative legacy. Watase told me that he is less than inspired by the example of the original Boston Tea Party: “They threw away the tea, which is very valuable,” he said disapprovingly. “Japanese people value tea. We would never throw it out; we would save it.”

He thought for a moment longer. “Also,” he said, “it would be green tea.”

SPRING FORWARD

After a long winter of wearing to bed socks, two pairs of pants, two shirts, a fleece, and a ski cap, I'm now down to just pants and a long-sleeved shirt.  Glory!  Accompanying this warming weather is an even more welcome development: sakura season!  Sakura (cherry blossom) season is perhaps the most hyped in Japan.  There are websites dedicated to tracking when the trees will bloom in certain areas, and the local news provides an update every day.  Out comes the cherry blossom memorabilia: ceramics, stationery, textiles, and sakura-flavored foods. There's even a national pastime, called hanami, where people break out their tarps and picnic baskets and awake at dawn to secure a lounging spot for themselves under the trees.  The drinking starts early, and the day is spent eating, imbibing, and napping in a manner more reminiscent of the excesses of imperial Rome than present-day Japan.   

Philosopher's Path, Kyoto

The reverence for the sakura approaches a religious fervor.  Before he left for spring break, my supervisor said to me, "While I'm gone, I've asked Kabuki sensei to teach you about cherry blossoms."  This was no botany talk.  What he meant was that it is important to understand the meaning of the cherry blossoms.  The trees are associated with impermanence, as the blooms are so short-lived that they come and go over a matter of days.  To the Japanese, this is a metaphor for life: fleeting.  There's a sentiment here that you can't truly appreciate or enjoy something unless you understand the philosophy or the mindset behind it.  The only problem is that this understanding seems to hinge entirely on whether or not you are a Japanese national.  Don't get me wrong, the Japanese want foreigners to enjoy the cherry blossoms.  They just want to make sure that we give credit where it is due.  When I mentioned that Washington, DC is renowned for the trees that bloom there, someone told me, "Ah, yes. We gave you those trees one hundred years ago.  They are near the Po-to-mac River, yes?"  The Japanese embassy even has a map of sakura locations in the United States.   It seems cherry blossoms are to Japan what pandas are to China.

Old Gion, Kyoto

JESUS LIVES

Lady AL (LAL) is responsible for writing a monthly newsletter for her place of work, which often contains a number of pieces on Western culture and traditions.  For the month of April, LAL decided to cover two topics, April Fools Day and Easter.  After reading through LAL's definition of the word "pranks," and perusing the history behind Easter, one of her supervisors came up to her, the newsletter in hand.  "Ah, AL-san," he said, "I enjoyed this month's newsletter.  But I have one question. This part [he points to a passage]- this is prank?"  It turns out that the paragraph he was indicating had to do with the tale of Jesus's death and resurrection.  As LAL put it, "I mean, I could kind of see where he was coming from.  Some guy convinces all his friends that he's dead and then 3 days later shows up and says, 'Surprise! Got ya!'"  She then felt bad as she explained that this was actually a miracle, not a prank- and that perhaps her supervisor should not refer to it as a joke to any Christians he might meet. 

Jesus (or Christo, in Japanese) is virtually unknown here, like a character actor whose face you know, but you wouldn't recognize their name.  I was recently talking to the 14 year-old daughter of one of my co-teachers, who has just taken up the guitar and was proudly showing off her new equipment.  She pulled up a photo of her many guitar picks, each of which had a different image or color theme, and one of which looked really familiar to me from my days at Catholic school.  "Why do you have one of Jesus?" I asked.  "Who?" she responded.  "Christo." A few beats.  "WHAAAAAT?"  She looked closer at the bearded man with the radiant halo and shook her head.  "I did not know." I asked her why she bought it; she said, "It is cute!"