HOLD THE MAYO

In the bleak midwinter, most people crave comfort food: soup, lasagna, mashed potatoes, grilled cheese sandwiches, or perhaps a steaming slice of tuna mayonnaise pizza.  The lattermost option probably only applies if you are Japanese.  

My first year in Japan, I tried to stay away from Western food for as long as I could.  Around November, I broke and ordered a pizza at a restaurant in Osaka.  From what I recall, I ordered a veggie pizza, nothing crazy.  What arrived was a pizza with vegetables and tiny dark red and orange globes sprinkled on top.  I moved my face closer to the pizza.  The friend sitting next to me noticed and said, "Fish eggs."  Indeed they were.  

Feel free to disagree, but I believe there are certain things that should never touch your cheese pizza.  These things include, but are not limited to: anchovies, scallops, tuna, squid, raw egg, seaweed, and mayonnaise.  However, these are all popular Japanese toppings, as is corn, which I find inexplicable.  Squid ink is another occasionally used ingredient.  Then there are the stuffed crust options, which include cheese, sausage, and shrimp.

Half the crust is stuffed with cheese, the other half with sausage.  Toppings included tomatoes, corn, edamame, peppers,  tiny hamburger patties, and mayo.  It comes with two dipping sauces, ketchup and maple syrup.  From affotd.com.

Here I thought America had the corner on grotesque foods, but in some respects, I think Japan gives Denny's a run for its money.  

Earlier this month, during a visit from my old roommate MA, I asked him what he had eaten for lunch that day.  "I went to McDonald's,**" he said (a bit sheepishly, I thought), "It was late in the day, and I was so hungry, so I got the Mega Mac."  "What's the Mega Mac?" I asked him. "Oh man, it's amazing! So you know how the Big Mac has two beef patties? Well the Mega Mac has FOUR.  I saw that, and I had to order it."

From tumblr.com

Not all Japanese fast food poses a major health risk, however.  Kaiten sushi is popular, cheap and healthy.  Chefs prepare small plates of sushi, which are then placed on a conveyor belt (preferably with a plastic top for hygiene purposes).  When you see one you like, you reach out and take it.  Your bill is tabulated based on how many plates you've eaten.  Each plate is about 105 yen, though some things like sushi rolls, soup, dessert, etc. are more.  

Kaiten sushi.  From okinawahai.com

**Pronounced MacDoNAL-dos here.  On a similar note, Baskin Robbins is called "31."

THE THINGS SHE ATE

Last year I did an entire blog post on some of the notable things I'd eaten in Japan.  Since then, I've fallen behind on the updates, but here's a selection of the most memorable (read: strange) foods I've encountered.  

Shirako.  The honor for weirdest food eaten (in Japan) would have to go to shirako.  The grannies generously treated me to dinner before the winter holidays, which included a wide variety of traditional Japanese dishes.  One of the courses included shirako, pictured below. At first I thought it was some sort of intestine, which would perhaps have been preferable to reality.  Some of the grannies refused to eat it, which should have been an indicator, but I went ahead and popped it in my mouth.  It had sort of a pudding-y texture (though not as heavy), and no flavor save for the yuzu that had been drizzled on top.  Once I had finished, they told me what it was.  Shirako, you see, is fish sperm sac.  When our server came to clear the plates, she asked one of the grannies in Japanese (she refused to speak to me), "Did the foreigner eat this?"  Beatles granny said yes, but the server asked a couple of more times before she was satisfied that I hadn't pawned it off on someone else.  

Shirako.

Natto.  You aren't really Japanese until you've eaten natto.  Soybeans are taken and fermented with a kind of bacterium, creating a sticky mix that looks like baked beans in a pot of melted cheese.  The taste, however, is more of an acquired one than that.  Some people liken the smell alone to that of old socks on a wet dog.  One of the most frequent tests of a foreigner is whether or not they have eaten natto, and if so, if they liked it.  For a number of people in the older generation, natto is a nostalgic food, like whale meat, which is no longer served, but was a frequent ingredient in school lunches after the world wars.  Natto is a popular breakfast food, and said to keep you hale and hearty. 

From blogs.villagevoice.com

Konnyaku.   There's really nothing offensive about konnyaku. It's more of a texture than a taste, made from "the starch of a tuber called konjac or devil's tongue." However, as Bartleby said, "I would prefer not," with its strange, gelatinous tastelessness.  

Konnyaku.  From thekitchn.com

Chocolat de tomato. I was dared to buy and eat this one late night, and its memory haunts me to this day.  It was, without a doubt, the worst thing I have ever eaten...like a bile-flavored KitKat. 

My nemesis.

Salty Watermelon Pepsi.  Many international companies market different flavors of their products in different countries. This summer, Pepsi put out its salty watermelon soda.  Though not something I'd want to drink on a daily basis, it was actually not disgusting, which is about as high praise as I can give to something with such vividly red and unnatural coloring.  

Not as bad as you might think. 

Akebi fruit.  Originally grown in Tohoku (where the big earthquake was in March), akebi is now grown in different places in Japan. Looks a little larval, but the fruit (the part inside the pod) is quite sweet. The texture's a little like really soft raspberries without the tartness. There are little black seeds inside, but I think you're just supposed to slurp those down, because they're pretty bitter if you chew them. The pod itself can be stir fried and eaten as a vegetable. Leave it to the Japanese to not waste anything.

Akebi