TGIF!!

-Greeting every Friday from one of my Japanese co-teachers; no clue how she picked up this fantastic bit of slang 

Being a teacher is surreal, if for no other reason than that expressed by a friend who is about to move to Korea to teach: "Ahhhh who would LET ME teach their kids?!?!" Being "on the inside" of the faculty lounge provokes a mix of emotions, as though watching a soap opera unfold. Near fist fights, snipes, gripes, bizarre eccentricities...all these things and more take place. One day I walked in to find the 27 year-old kendo teacher massaging the shoulders of the 60 year-old Japanese history teacher. It resembled the time former president Bush attempted to rub the shoulders of German Chancellor Merkel at a G8 convention, except that the Japanese history teacher didn't object the way the chancellor did.

From www.businesspundit.com 

 Fellow ALT DL recounted to me the strange tics of the sensei who sits next to him:

"So you know A-sensei, right? OK, well he has this habit of saying yosh (let's go) all the time. So he'll sit down with his lunch and say, 'Yosh,' or he'll be getting ready for class, and then he'll sigh and say 'Yosh.' Anyway, the other day I was in one of the stalls in the men's room, and I hear someone come in, and as the door shuts, all I hear is 'YOSH!'"

DL managed to escape the men's room unseen before dissolving into laughter, but just barely. Keeping a straight face (or even one of comprehension) can be a challenge. One day I was conferring with DL about our lesson plan for the upcoming week, when Pop Up sensei appeared to talk to us about his daily ablutions. [I call him Pop Up sensei because he pops up at the most unlikely moments.] He detailed how he washes his body and hair every night, and then washes his clothes from the day. Neither of us were quite sure how to respond to this recital except to smile and nod. Eventually, Pop Up bowed and went back to his desk.

Sometimes we become unwillingly embroiled in various dramas. Of all the teachers I work with, my best partnership is with Nice sensei. He teaches me about Japanese culture and customs, leaves little gifts (like fruit) on my desk occasionally, and is just a really pleasant and helpful person.　He is equally friendly and demonstrative towards DL, though they don't teach together. One day, on my way to class with Hut sensei, another co-teacher, he asked me, "What do you and Nice sensei talk about? You are always laughing with him when you come back to the staff room after class." Uncomfortable, I made some response about how Nice sensei likes to tell humorous stories about his time studying abroad in the UK, which make me laugh. Thinking the matter was settled, I was surprised when Hut sensei asked me the same question again on our way to our second lesson of the day. Several weeks later, I went bowling with a group of teachers, and then to dinner afterwards. At dinner, one of the other young teachers was teasing me by asking if I have a boyfriend. Before I could say anything, Hut sensei interjected, "Oh, her boyfriend is Nice sensei. They are always laughing together." This absolutely floored me. Not only did it rankle that he would make a comment like that in front of our coworkers (including the principal!), it was a cheap shot at Nice sensei, who was not present (and is also married). Coming from a guy who is known to patronize hostess bars (where men pay to talk- and more- to pretty women), and is at times inappropriate with the female students, this was pretty galling. But instead of demanding a duel, I coldly changed the subject.

TO BOLDLY GO...

This March, a group of students from my high school will travel to Shaker Heights, OH to live for two weeks as Americans do. As experts on all things American, DL and I have been asked to meet with the "American delegation" once a week, to give them tips and answer any questions they may have. The questions, if I may say, have been marvelous.

1. How often should I bathe?
(Answer: At least once a day would be nice.)

2. How can I clean my clothes?
(Answer: Your host mother will either wash them for you or show you how to wash them. We explained to them that Americans wash and then dry their clothes. When we described to them what a dryer was, they oohed and aahed as though we had just unveiled a new iPhone.)

3. Are people fat?
(Answer: Yes. Just kidding, some people are fat, but other people are skinny.)

4. What should I say to the immigration people at the airport?
(Answer: Umm...just be polite and tell them you're in the United States on an exchange program. They're not going to think you're terrorists.)

5. How big of a bag can I take on the plane?
(Answer: See airport guidelines.)

6. What kinds of bags do students carry at school?
(Answer: Maybe students still carry backpacks?)

We've also covered gestures that are interpreted differently in the US and Japan, money, tipping, refills, the difference between American sizes for drinks and Japanese sizes, shaking hands (no limp fish!), and greetings and goodbyes. More interesting is what these students are being encouraged to learn from their Japanese teachers. Yosh sensei wanted us to drill into the students that they needed to help their host families with chores. "They are not guests," he said, "In Japan, we do not let guests help with these matters, and children are not required to help with house work until they are much older." A teacher a little younger than I added, "That's true! I didn't help with house work until I was 20!"

The teacher who heads the project told me he instructed them to watch some movies over winter vacation. I asked the students which movies he had recommended. "Die Hard" was the prompt response. Her review? "It was...exciting!" Yippee ki yay. With visions of morbidly obese white people and John McLane in their heads, I can't wait to hear their thoughts after the trip.