I TURN INTO MRS. MALAPROP, m(__)m

One of my new years resolutions has been to make more of an effort to study Japanese, with mixed results. It turns out that Japanese is a tricky beast.  First, there are a number of words that are so similarly pronounced, they could be homophones.  The correct way to answer a phone call is to say "Moshimoshi," which sounds strikingly like a double take of mushi, which means "insect." I still can't hear the difference between the words, but people pause when I answer the phone and over-pronounce "mOshimOshi," and laugh when I say, "MooshiMooshi." Then there's kawaii [ka-wy-ee], or "cute", vs.kowaii [ko-wyy], or "scary." I have been guilty of telling a passing Japanese person or several that their baby is scary.  Or rather, they understood me to say scary, when I was trying to say cute.

Furthermore, some of the grammatical points are overly complex and seem to defy logic.  I won't get into the nitty gritty of most of these things (who wants to read about grammar, am I right?), but I will offer up the example of counters.  Most languages employ a variety of counters (one, two, three; first, second, third, etc).  Japanese, however, has counters for things like "long cylindrical and stringy objects," which are very different from the counters for, say, square objects.  It's enough to make me want to set fire to my textbook.  

One highlight of the book, however, is its notes on culture, such as "How to Spend Christmas in Japan," "Etiquette in the Bath," or "Japanese Emoticons and Pictorial Symbols."  I found the latter particularly informative, considering that my range of emoticons consists of:   ;-),   :`(, and   :-).   Now I have a plethora of new faces to share in emails and text messages, including:

m(__)m   =   Apologies/gratitude/regards
o(^_^)o    =   Thrilled
_l - l O    =   Disappointed/devastated

Don't be surprised when my next email to you reads:

(^_^)/  BFF.  ┌(▼▼メ)┘LOL.  Miss u.  (T_T).  <3, @(*-*)@

Translation: Hi! Best friends forever.  Dancing yakuza.  Laugh out loud. I miss you.  I am crying.  Love, Princess Leia

I can provide an emoticon key should you desire it.

FCUK YES

New years sales are popular in Japan, but this year, one department store's sale surpassed all others.  It wasn't just a sale.  It was a "Fuckin' Sale." At least according to the signs they plastered throughout major cities in the Kansai area.  

Thanks to Pleen for this shot

Why did the store choose to go this route?  Apparently it was supposed to be a play on the word fukubukuro, or "happy bag," a promotion done at new years in which people pay a certain amount of money for a gift bag full of mystery items.  If you're lucky, you can get some really good deals on things like clothing, electronics, groceries, etc.  Some bags even have deeds to houses or cars. Anyway, back to the Fuckin' Sale.  I doubt anyone was trying to be provocative; in fact, the department store apparently took down the signs in embarrassment (much to the dismay of English speakers)after they learned what the F word meant.  

More hilarity ensued when I raised this topic with my adult eikaiwa group.  At first I was hesitant to divulge which curse word was on the signs, but they poked and prodded until finally, I wrote it on the board.  Murmurs immediately broke out as half the people in the room understood what the word meant, while the other half did not.  The scene took on a surreal aspect as the first half took it upon themselves to explain the matter to the others.  In the rush of Japanese that followed, all I could understand my sweet grandmothers saying was "Fuck you" in a dispassionate tone.  Later, they told me that the Japanese have a tendency to appropriate and then misuse English words.  Thus, when a restaurant is "moody," it is atmospheric, not emotionally changeable. When someone is "naive," they are not being immature, but rather, sensitive.  I guess the devil truly is in the details (or rather, the nuance).  

This is actually not a mistranslation.  In katakana, "lobby" is actually "robby" in Japanese, because they don't have an l sound.